​In other words, siblings who grow up under the same roof with the same parents are not more alike / different than those who grow up in different homes with different parents. ​This finding shows that parenting is not a predictor of how your children will turn out. I am guessing you're skeptical, so let me explain. Your parenting obviously influences your kids. BUT your parenting influences each of your children in VERY DIFFERENT ways. Your oldest child may become self-disciplined because of your strict parenting style while your middle child may become dependent on you because of the same strictness. Your daughter may grow up feeling a lack of structure because of your laissez-faire parenting approach while it helps your son fully express his creativity.

No wonder parenting experts can never agree on parenting advice. Whether to be strict or lenient, co-sleep or not, how many hours of screen time is too much etc. These disputes over what is right and wrong are never-ending because there is no one right answer. It depends on the individual needs of both parents and kids. Parenting is not injected into your child like a vaccine. Parenting is an interactive process between the parent and the child. This is what makes parenting so complex.   

I would like to invite you to join my P.E.T. Book Club, to learn about the philosophy of Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon. It is a program that does not believe in ready-made answers for parents. Instead, it  acknowledges the differences in parents' values, styles, beliefs and preferences. All parents and kids are unique. Whether you have one child or many, it is the different needs of the parent and child that plays an enormous role in how you connect, interact and respond to challenging situations. Getting those needs met in a custom manner, satisfying to both the parent and each child, is what is at the heart of P.E.T.

Get Inspired! Join Our Online P.E.T. Book Club
ONLY $95 for this 6-week Online program

SPRING 2021 Schedule: 
Tuesday evening Pacific Time
 April 6th - May 11th 2021 (6 weeks) 
 8:15pm - 9:45pm Pacific Time

Wednesday evening Pacific Time 
 April 7th - May 12th 2021 (6 weeks) 
 8:15pm - 9:45pm Pacific Time ​

Parents are generally quick to point out the behaviors of their children they don't like, but it is an exception to point out the positive. Let's say your child interrupts a conversation with your friend. You may say; "I'm talking right now honey" or "You're interrupting". But what do you say when your child is not interrupting your conversation? Do you say; "Thank you for waiting" or "I appreciate you letting me finish my conversation"!?



​If you generally skip the positive and are keen to point out what bothers you it can have unintentional negative side effects. It may chip away at your child's self esteem, or children may learn to get your attention by behaving in ways that are annoying to you. 
 
I have an experiment for you!
 
When you come home today, try to keep track of the number of times you point out a negative, and also count the number of positive statements you make. Ideally you want the positives to outweigh the negatives. So tell them what you like, love, appreciate or are thankful for. Or otherwise share your positive feelings with your child ("I love you"; "I am inspired by you").
 
Sending positive messages is especially important when you are struggling with your child. Maybe they hit or scream a lot. Try to say something when they are NOT hitting or screaming instead of only pointing out the times they do; "I see how mad you are and I really appreciate you are not screaming at me. You could scream but you are not and that makes it easier for me to understand and talk with you."
 
Last night, I was about to point out to my daughter that her dishes were still on the table. Instead I chose to tell my son; "I appreciate that you put your dishes in the kitchen and cleaned the table, thank you Jake! He was beaming, his chest inflated, he sure liked hearing that! Before you knew it Maggie followed right along.
 
For more parenting help, try out our Online Parent Effectiveness Training Book Club

Click here to ENROLL

$99 for a 6-week Online Program!
 
WINTER 2021 ONLINE SCHEDULE:

Tuesday evening Pacific Time
    Jan 5th - Feb 9th 2021 (6 weeks)
    7:30pm - 9:00pm Pacific Time  

Wednesday morning Pacific Time 
    Jan 6th - Feb 10th 2021 (6 weeks)
    9:30am - 11:00am Pacific Time