Parent Effectiveness Training
Call (714) 495-8531
  • Home
  • Philosophy
  • Instructors
  • Class Schedule
  • Parent Coaching
  • Cost
  • Our Blog
  • Be Your Best
  • L.E.T.
  • Contact Us

The Reason for a Child's Behavior Is Always a Positive!

3/1/2022

6 Comments

 
Picture

Your child may say: “More!” after they have already received five birthday gifts. They may want to continue playing video games and resist taking a bath or go to bed after they have already played for a long time. They may want another ice cream after they have already had plenty. Perhaps you recognize this behavior from your child, and you experience it as ungrateful, greedy or just plain frustrating.




What your child is trying to express is: “I got so many nice gifts and it gave me such a nice feeling, I would like to experience that feeling a little bit longer.”  In other words: 
The more gifts I receive, the longer I feel pleasant inside. The child simply communicates about this wish.

These situations often go wrong between parents and children if the parent interprets this wish as:
  • “She means that I am a bad parent who doesn’t provide her with enough gifts.”
  • “I am trying so hard, but for this spoiled child it never seems enough!”
  • “When will this child ever be grateful for what he has and what we do for him!”
The mistake that parents make here, is that they believe the wish of the child is somehow an accusation against the parent.

This is not about you, don’t take it personally. This is about a good feeling and a wish of your child. It is much more effective if you listen and acknowledge the feeling, wishes and desires:
  • “All those gifts feel so good, don’t they!" / “That ice cream is so delicious!” / "you seriously love playing Fortnite together with your friends!” 
  • “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could unwrap another 100 more gifts” / “you could eat the whole jar of ice-cream” / "play Fortnite all day every day."
Children are looking for acknowledgement of their feelings, not for an explanation about something they already know. After you've acknowledged their feelings you respond clearly to the child's request:
  • "I wish I could give it to you, and I am not willing to extend screen time."
  • "I sure wish I could give you all the ice-cream in the world however I am not buying another ice cream right now."
  • "It's a bummer I don't have the time and energy to play longer. I feel tired and need to get other stuff done. I am choosing not to play anymore now. I’ll play more with you tomorrow evening."

Easier said then done? Let us help! Sign up for Parent Effectiveness Training!

6 Comments

    Author
    Meike Lemmens

    International Parent Effectiveness Training Master Trainer, Parenting Coach, and mother of 2 terrific kids!

    Archives

    December 2023
    February 2023
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2020
    March 2018
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    October 2014
    February 2012
    January 2012
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    March 2011

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly