10 Ingredients for Successful Conflict Resolution

Few people enjoy having conflicts but they are an inevitable part of family life. It is unrealistic to think you can go a long time without a disagreement in your family. From bedtime, morning routines, transitions and homework, to sibling rivalry, screen time, and cell phone usage, you can't avoid conflicts. If children learn from a young age to deal with disagreements properly, it prepares them for society, and they are better able to cope as adults.

The million dollar question is how to deal with conflicts in a healthy and effective way. Children don’t naturally resolve conflicts peacefully: they can hit, scream, nag, whine, bully or demand without consideration for others. So you as the parent need to set the right example. If you simply make the decisions, use power and punishment to enforce your solutions, and referee their sibling fights, it won’t teach them much about resolving disagreements in real life. Here are 10 ingredients for successful conflict resolution:

• Set the right example. Treat your children the way you want to be treated.
• Model effective conflict resolution with your partner. Show your child how grown-ups find solutions in a healthy and effective way.
• Give your child space to calm herself down before you address the heart of the matter.
• Don’t patronize what your children want, even if you can’t give it to them. For your children these wishes are real. “I know how much you want it, and I really wish I could just give it to you.”
• Stay away from Judging, Criticizing & Name Calling even when you feel irritated and annoyed. It creates unnecessary resistance and it chips away at their self-esteem.
• Talk about the cause of the disagreement before you talk about the solution.
• Let everyone finish talking, don’t interrupt your children and if they interrupt you say: “I can’t get my point across when you talk while I am talking.”
• Explain to your child why you are upset.
• Don’t make conflicts unnecessarily difficult with a lot of language when it involves young children.
• Discuss alternatives for next time.

Easier said than done? Our parenting workshop teaches you step-by-step conflict resolution skills. Enroll now in one of our upcoming winter classes.

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