Most of you already know about the important need for infants to feel securely attached to their parents. But what you probably don't know, is that the need for attachment in adults, and therefore yourself, is equally important!
Simply put, attachment means an emotional and physical bond.
In the early research on attachment, Mary Ainsworth found that as early as 3 years of age, kids who are secure with their moms are more empathetic to others. When we don’t have to worry about safety with our loved ones we naturally
Naturally, Parent Effectiveness Training and other parenting programs want to improve the secure bond between parents and children to give them a good start. But this is much easier said then done.
One crux of the matter is the attachment stye of the parent. Research shows that your attachment style as an adult explains a lot about how you behave, communicate and deal with conflict in your relationships, including your relationships with your children.
There are basically four attachment styles:
- Secure attached (50% of the population)
- Anxious attached (20% of the population)
- Avoidant attached (25% of the population)
- Anxious-Avoidant (=Disorganized; 5%)
What is my attachment style?
Attachment style questionnaire
For Anxious attached people, conflict can trigger very basic concerns about other's responsiveness to their needs. Disputes make them feel unsafe, they fear rejection or abandonment. Their fear, that the others are likely to be inattentive to their needs, drives them to REALLY LEAVE THEIR MARK in order to be heard. When a dispute arises, Anxious attached people react by using Protest Behaviors aimed at getting the other person's attention. They may make strong accusations, cry, or give the other the silent treatment. Their response is usually ineffective.
People with an Avoidant attachment style are also threatened by the possibility that the other person won't really be there for them when needed. However, to deal with this belief, they adopt the opposite approach. They suppress their need for connection by shutting down emotionally. They adopt a defensive air of independence. For Avoidant attached people, the more personal the conflict becomes, the stronger their urge grows to distance themselves from the situation. To do this, they use Deactivating strategies, such as finding fault with the other or checking out mentally while the other is talking, in order to feel less close to them.
Secure attached people have an underlying belief that others are attentive to their needs. They don't worry but feel safe and secure in their relationships. They adopt effective communication skills with relative ease.
How P.E.T. can help
The good news is you can learn what does not come naturally to you. In Parent Effectiveness Training, we teach you:
- How to deal with situations when emotions run high and your attachment style gets triggered.
- How to communicate effectively without losing the emotional connection with your children so that you can help form Secure attachments with your children.
1. Attentiveness, sensitiveness and responsiveness to your children's needs (less avoidant),
2. Clear, direct and honest communication about your own needs (less anxious),
3. Resolving conflict in a much better way to experience more happy and satisfying relationships (more secure)
Are you ready to learn effective parenting skills?
SIGN-UP NOW FOR P.E.T
Spring 2023 Class Schedule:
PET Course (8 weeks Zoom)
Wednesday Mornings (Pacific Time)
April 19th - June 14th 2023 (8 weeks)*
9:00AM - 12:00PM PACIFIC TIME
* NO Class April 26th
Saturday Mornings (Pacific Time)
April 15 - June 17th 2023 (8 weeks)*
8:00AM - 11:00AM PACIFIC TIME
* NO Class 4/29 & 5/27 Memorial day weekend
Waiting List: Tell Us Your Preferred Day